How to Behave at a Dinner Party

By the title of this post, you might think I get invited to a lot of dinner parties. This isn't exactly true. I don't think it's a reflection on my being unwelcome at these types of events, but instead says something about my close circle of friends. I guess we're more for casual outings, restaurant dinners and laid-back gatherings at home as opposed to fancy dinner parties. But you never know when you might get an invite to a soiree or gala.

What, you don't go to dinner parties much either? No matter, these tips will serve you for any social occasion in which you might happen to find yourself.

 by bubbo.etsy.com

1) Make Conversation 

This seems painfully obvious, but I encounter so many folks who seem to lack this skill. I guess when they say conversation is a lost art, it's the truth.

How it works is, you ask other people polite questions (more on that in a second) and then you smile and nod while they answer you. Then, if they ask you questions, you answer them as well.

Conversation is not one person doing all the talking while the rest try to get a word in. And it's not sitting there scrolling through your phone. Which leads me to number 2...

2) DON'T SIT THERE AND SCROLL THROUGH YOUR PHONE

Really? This is not something we should have to be told. But sadly, it is. I'm not talking about checking your phone to see if the baby-sitter texted a question about your child or taking an emergency call.

I'm referring to people who slump down in their chairs, scrolling aimlessly through their Facebook news feed while a dinner party is going on around them. I don't get this at all. It sends the message to the host that their efforts aren't worth your time. And it sends a message to the other guests that they aren't as interesting as a random Internet meme or cat video being shared on social media.

And if you are older than 40, you should definitely know better than to do this. You lived in a world without smartphones for goodness sake.

3) Don't Ask Inappropriate Questions or Discuss Topics that Might be Offensive

Recently, a dear friend of mine went to a party and upon her polite refusal of wine, another guest turned to her and asked if she was an alcoholic. First of all, it's nobody's business why she didn't want wine. She's not an alcoholic, but if she were, how awkward would that have been?

And none of anyone's business for sure!

Don't ask people if they are an alcoholic. Or what their political affiliation is. Or how they voted. Or how much their paycheck was.

Again, this all seems like obvious stuff, but maybe we're getting away from common sense and need to be reminded.

Other dinner party conversation topics to avoid: dissection, animal slaughter, feces...actually anything to do with the bathroom in general or in specific.

4) Don't Name Drop

So your best friend is a famous celebrity. That's awesome. But it's really not being a good friend to try and leverage their "it" factor to make yourself look better at parties. If it comes up casually or if someone asks you directly, it's okay to mention it, but don't be 'that person' who's obsessed with who they know.

The doll's biscuit was stale, but she bit her tongue lest she offend her kind hostess {via}

5) Don't Make a Fuss 

So you're a vegetarian and the main dish is chicken. This happened to me recently. If you can politely convey this message to your host(ess) prior to the food being served, I think that's okay. Otherwise, just push it to the side. Don't make a big fuss about how it was murdered. Even if you think it was.

6) Don't Ask to Bring a Guest

Throwing a dinner party seems like it would be a great deal of work. And it takes much planning. If you are invited to a party, but aren't given the option of bringing a date/plus one/guest, don't ask to do so.

The party host has probably considered his/her budget, seating limits, and guest list in the planning stage and an extra person could really throw that out of balance.

And never, ever show up with unannounced with an extra person. This is just rude.

Aunt Bee is a gracious southern hostess, she won't lead you astray!

7) Follow the Host's Lead

If in doubt, just look to your host or hostess. If she takes second helpings, it's a sign that you can too. If he opens more wine, have some. If your hosts don't serve alcohol, don't ask for any. You can be sure that your host wants you to be comfortable and at ease.

Any type of social gathering should be fun. And when you follow these simple, basic, social rules, you'll be the hit of every party.

Other things to consider:

Bringing a Hostess Gift - This is a great thing to do when you're invited to any social gathering, as long as it isn't something that requires the host to take his or her focus away from the party. Cut flowers, a potted plant, a bottle of wine or even a basket of local jam & honey is nice. Never a pet.

Writing a Thank You Note - Non-negotiable. You MUST write a Thank You Note and you must do so promptly. And NOT an email. Some belles carry Thank You Notes in their purses and leave one in the mailbox on the way out for their hosts to find the next morning. I like to show that I'm not too cheap to buy a stamp. Plus, every host will appreciate getting a few kindly penned words by post.

No is not a Bad Word, part 2

Earlier this week, I shared my thoughts about how I’m learning that “no” doesn’t have to be a bad word. In fact it can be very good…when we are the one saying it. But what about when we are on the receiving end of “no?” While it might be possible to get more comfortable saying it, it can be a hard thing to hear.

The biggest “no” of my life came this year when I was fired from what was supposed to be my dream job. I couldn’t have imagined that I would go to work one day and be told “no” in so many words. I also couldn’t have imagined how many positive things would come about after that particular “no” (in the moment, all you can think is “what do you mean, gather my things?”).  After getting over the initial shock of being fired, I decided that all I could do was keep moving forward. And now I can honestly say that I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

Since losing my job and starting a new chapter with my professional pursuits, I have learned so many things about myself that I might have once known, but had forgotten. I’m remembering who it was I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m learning that who I am is so much more than what I do. I'm thankful for the "no" that got me to this place. I’m realizing that God put a whole set of passions and dreams inside me and as carefully as He created me, He imagined a way for me to pursue those passions while being true to myself. I believe the same is true for you.

I believe there’s something inside you that the world desperately needs. And by letting your light shine, you will change the world in ways you couldn’t have imagined. I believe that if we could get even a tiny glimpse of how much we are valued, we would never look at ourselves the same way again.

Maybe you’ve been told “no” in the form of being fired or not getting that job you interviewed for. Maybe your “no” came with the end of a relationship. Perhaps you just feel discouraged in your everyday routine. Whatever your unique situation, someone else's "no" can never define you. Even if it feels like the end of the world.

There’s life after “no.” Some of it can be hard, and some a bit easier. But that life is a thing of value and so are we. (If you made it to the end of this post, I thank you sweet friend.) Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

You shouldn’t have! Stylish Blogger Award

Lovely Laurie at Scene of the Grime has given me an award…she thinks I’m a stylish blogger and I couldn’t be more grateful! The rules require me to share 7 juicy tidbits and since I’ve always been a bit theatrical, I decided to share seven of the roles that I’ve played/play in life…some are permanent and others have been more short-lived.

1) Sister – I became a sister on October 27, 1988. While my hopes of being an only child were dashed, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Siblings are something that tie us to our past, but drive us nuts in the present (just kidding bubbie, I love you!).

2) Vice-President – Serving as VP of my college sorority is something I’m proud of…even if I did have to be the voice of reason a time or two. College went by in a blur, but I loved every minute of it.

3) Baby-sitter – I baby-sat during my teen years for extra money, but it was never my favorite thing to do. Nothing really bad ever happened to any of the kids on my watch so I guess I wasn’t a horrible baby-sitter. Just please don’t ask my best friend Jennifer about the time we were keeping some infant twins…not my most shining moment!

4) Fairy Godmother – Cast as Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother in a high school production, I waved my wand and belted out my song with gusto. I tried to channel Glinda the good witch instead of the geriatric cartoon godmother from Disney’s version.

5) Gertie Cummings – Gertie is a sassy supporting character in Rodgers & Hammerstein’s famous play…I enjoyed this role so much, especially perfecting the high-pitched hyena laugh that it required. This was my first part in a high school production and I was pretty proud of myself for getting it. Definitely helped to give me the acting bug.

6) Lily St. Regis – Bernadette Peters made Lily famous with her memorable portrayal in the film version of Annie. Lily is Rooster’s girlfriend and gets to dance on tables, swing her pearls and sing “Easy Street.” I patterned my Lily after her when I acted in a community theater production of Annie…such fun times!

7) Blogger – Surely I couldn’t leave this one out? Since starting SBS, I have loved every minute of getting to share with all of you. I consider you my friends and appreciate your encouragement more than you could ever know.

Now to pass the award on to some other deserving folks…

Belles & Bows

Style Attic

I Do Declare

Your Southern Peach

HOLIDAY

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!