What I Want

I want to pay more attention, not less.

I want to get wiser instead of smarter. 

I want to listen more and zone out less. 

I want to spend more time with people I love and less time with people I have to impress. 

I want to give of myself, my time, my energy, and my resources without ever worrying that there won't be enough to go around. 

I want to cook beautiful, delicious, decadent meals for my family and never take a single photo for Instagram. 

I want to travel to distant lands, and have new adventures. 

I want to create new inside jokes with old friends. 

I want to eat cold spaghetti out of a bowl while standing in front of my grandma's refrigerator. 

I want to wear my fancy perfume, the one I've been saving for a special occasion. 

I want to stand up straighter. 

I want to laugh 300 times each day. 

I want to create more and consume less. 

I want the days and hours and minutes of my life to count for something. 

I want to do a cartwheel. 

I want to stop judging everybody so damn much. 

I want to stop judging myself most of all. 

I want to send more letters and postcards. 

I want to find an authentic Hermes scarf at a thrift store for ninety nine cents. 

I want to have more picnics. 

I want to see each person, really see him or her, and quit lumping them all together as some collective 'other.'
I want to learn once and for all that the value of an experience has very little to do with its monetary measure.
I want to accept the past for what it was, realize it's over and let it go.
I want to remind myself that nothing is impossible if you refuse to give up.
I want to make the world's best deviled eggs.
I want to give more than I take.
I want to leave things better than I found them.
I want us to agree that I can want what I want, and you can want what you want and neither cancels out the other.
I want to throw away the rule book and declare us all winners.
I want to remember every day that all of this is worth it.

Now your turn. What do you want? #WhatIWant 

Our Dreams: The Only Reality We Ever Know

"I believe in the dream. I think we only live through our dreams and our imagination. That's the only reality we really ever know.”

— Diana Vreeland in A Question of Style: A Conversation with Diana Vreeland by Lally Weymouth, Rolling Stone Magazine, 1977.

Have you ever found yourself awake in the middle of the night after a scary dream? This happens to me sometimes and it's hard to shake that feeling of fear. I try to tell myself it's just a dream....it's not reality.

But then I ran across this quote from the iconic Diana Vreeland and it got me thinking. About dreams. And what's real vs. what isn't.

For so much of our childhoods, we are told that our dreams aren't real. Especially the scary ones.

"It was just a dream...it wasn't real. It can't hurt you."

What if somewhere along the way, we started believing this about all our dreams?

I'm not talking about nightmares starring the boogie-man. I mean the dreams that are rooted way down deep inside of us...in those dark secret places where they can barely get enough air to breathe.

What comes to me is a question, one that's somewhat difficult to ask...but asked it must be.

Do you think your dreams are silly? 

I guess in order to think anything about your dreams, you must first know what they are. [If you aren't sure, maybe spend some time looking inside your heart. You'll find a dream (or two hundred) in there.]

So, about that dream of yours....Is it something you've held out hope that maybe, just maybe, one day might be possible?

Is it something you can imagine yourself doing, week in and week out, in the face of any and all opposition, whether you ever earn a red cent from it or not?

Do you tell yourself your dream can become a reality or do you dismiss your deepest hopes for fear they might be silly? I think fear of being seen as silly is a terrible thing. Just consider what wonderful adventures you might have if you'd only allow yourself to look a bit silly in the process.

Beside my desk is a small postcard with a drawing of a trapeze artist. On it is a quote that says: "It is only by risking ourselves from one hour to another that we live at all."

What are you risking these days? I don't mean your stock market investments. I'm talking about your reputation.

Are you more concerned about what people think of you to the point that you'd let fear of looking silly be a good enough reason to by-pass the possibilities of your dreams?

Unlike those scary dreams that plague my sleep, the dreams of our heart are very, very real. As Dame Vreeland said, our dreams are the only reality we know. So doesn't that mean we can use them to shape our lives? I say yes to that. 

Writer's Envy

Do you ever read some amazing bit of writing and think "why didn't I write that?" I guess it could be called writer's envy. But part of being a writer (I am, you know) is reading what other people write. Lately, I've felt like some of the stuff I've read just spoke to my very soul. Does that ever happen to you?

"For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love." 

First was a quote from Carl Sagan that I added to a picture of my dogs (including dearly departed Bentley). Anyone who has ever loved a pet knows the feeling of responsibility for these small precious lives. It shouldn't be taken lightly.

























Then, it was a poem I heard read on NPR. The poet, Marie Howe, is the State Poet for New York.  You can also hear Howe read her poem here (if you'd rather close your eyes and listen.) It's that good.

Annunciation 

Even if I don’t see it again — nor ever feel it
I know it is — and that if once it hailed me
it ever does –

And so it is myself I want to turn in that direction
not as towards a place, but it was a tilting
within myself,

as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
it isn’t — I was blinded like that — and swam
in what shone at me

only able to endure it by being no one and so
specifically myself I thought I’d die
from being loved like that.

– Marie Howe

Hope you're having a great week!

What Do Our Dreams Mean?

Ever since I was a little girl, I've been an active dreamer. Maybe I should clarify that I'm referring to dreams that take place while I'm asleep. Oh, I dream while I'm awake too...but this post isn't really about that.

I've always had extremely vivid dreams that I can recount in great detail the next day. For a time, I was fascinated with those books that decode dreams and explain possible meanings for each element.

I never really bought into the meaning of dreams. Instead, I sort of thought that dreams were just caused from eating weird things before bed or maybe were a replay of the day's events.

The other night I had the strangest dream. Don't the best conversations always begin this way?

I dreamed that I had set up a new client meeting with the CEOs of a circus/carnival because they wanted to hire me to manage their social media. Three of the four company big wigs were gents in suits who seemed fairly normal (except two had their teeth sort of filed down like vampires).

They warned me that the fourth member of their leadership team was quite difficult to get along with; that he was, in fact, a nudist and that I might feel uncomfortable upon meeting him. This didn't seem like such a big deal in the dream until we got to the place where I was to meet this nude circus boss and he ended up being a Bengal tiger.

When I said "but I thought he was a nudist?" They replied: Precisely! As hard as we try, we can't get him to wear clothes.

Now you might be wondering why I'm sharing this story on the ol' blog. I'm not really sure I have an answer for you. I guess, I was just thinking about how I might be able to glean anything from my dreams that would be useful to me in my waking life. And maybe they aren't anything but the result of my eating hummus before bed.

What do you think? Do you dream in vivid and memorable scenarios? Has one of your dreams ever come true? I'm really interested in these things and would love to hear from you!

This article from the Wall Street Journal talks about how young children are able to change the outcome of their dreams while they sleep!

{The work of art featured at the top of this post is available for purchase here}

Mending Broken Things

Do you ever feel like things just aren't fitting together? Like maybe the cogs in the gears that make up your life are off a little bit? Sometimes I wake up with this feeling, although it's hard to describe and even harder to put my finger on what is causing it.

It's sort of like thinking you left the coffee pot turned on, but you can't get home to check it for several hours. There's just nothing like that feeling of peace when you finally make it through the door and see that it was indeed turned off.

I read something today that encouraged me and I thought it might encourage you too so I decided to share.

"So spacious is He, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in Him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe --- people and things, animals and atoms --- get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of His death, His blood poured down from the Cross."
-- Colossians 1:19-20 (The Message Bible)

Whenever I have those disjointed feelings I described above, it certainly gives me hope to know that I am part of that vibrant harmony. I hope you feel truly loved today. Happy Wednesday!

World Kindness Day 2012

Today is World Kindness Day and while I know the word kindness might get used lightly, I don't think there's ever a chance of having too much of it. The quote above was first shared with me by one of my dearest friends' grandfather. It was definitely the way he lived his life and how he taught his family to live theirs. 

My own grandfather once told me that you can never do too much good for another person. I've thought of this many times and it causes me to remember his life and legacy. It's not like we need a special day to be kind to each other...if anything, we need 'World Kindness Life.' 

But maybe things like this at least serve to remind us that anytime we can be kind, it's a good thing. 

No is not a Bad Word, part 2

Earlier this week, I shared my thoughts about how I’m learning that “no” doesn’t have to be a bad word. In fact it can be very good…when we are the one saying it. But what about when we are on the receiving end of “no?” While it might be possible to get more comfortable saying it, it can be a hard thing to hear.

The biggest “no” of my life came this year when I was fired from what was supposed to be my dream job. I couldn’t have imagined that I would go to work one day and be told “no” in so many words. I also couldn’t have imagined how many positive things would come about after that particular “no” (in the moment, all you can think is “what do you mean, gather my things?”).  After getting over the initial shock of being fired, I decided that all I could do was keep moving forward. And now I can honestly say that I'm happier than I've ever been in my whole life.

Since losing my job and starting a new chapter with my professional pursuits, I have learned so many things about myself that I might have once known, but had forgotten. I’m remembering who it was I wanted to be when I grew up. I’m learning that who I am is so much more than what I do. I'm thankful for the "no" that got me to this place. I’m realizing that God put a whole set of passions and dreams inside me and as carefully as He created me, He imagined a way for me to pursue those passions while being true to myself. I believe the same is true for you.

I believe there’s something inside you that the world desperately needs. And by letting your light shine, you will change the world in ways you couldn’t have imagined. I believe that if we could get even a tiny glimpse of how much we are valued, we would never look at ourselves the same way again.

Maybe you’ve been told “no” in the form of being fired or not getting that job you interviewed for. Maybe your “no” came with the end of a relationship. Perhaps you just feel discouraged in your everyday routine. Whatever your unique situation, someone else's "no" can never define you. Even if it feels like the end of the world.

There’s life after “no.” Some of it can be hard, and some a bit easier. But that life is a thing of value and so are we. (If you made it to the end of this post, I thank you sweet friend.) Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

No is not a Bad Word, part 1

Growing up southern has given me many notions about life, one of them being that “no” is a bad word. For southern women, it seems saying no is downright out of the question. Whether we’re asked to join a committee, attend an event, help an acquaintance or give our time/efforts/money, it’s rare that we feel comfortable saying no. I’m not talking about being involved or staying busy. I’m referring to that feeling you get in your stomach after you agreed to do something you didn’t really want to do.

The problem that arises when we fail to say no is we then begin to resent the situation and people we’ve said yes to (which isn’t really fair to ourselves or to them). I love what Dr. Brene Brown says about this: It’s better to feel uncomfortable in the moment [of having to say no] than it is to feel resentment for the long-term.

But why do you think that saying no is so uncomfortable for us? I believe it has something to do with the idea that our no is going to let someone down. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be all things to all people. What if we say no to something/someone and it haunts us for the rest of our life? I don’t mean to overdramatize but I think most of us have been there.

I watched a Today show segment recently about a new condition currently affecting women called “fomo.” It stands for fear of missing out and apparently it’s something that is plaguing women everywhere. Just what are we so afraid of missing? The perfect                            (fill in your own blank). I’m learning there is no perfect anything. And many times the energy we spend chasing the illusion of that next perfect thing keeps us from enjoying the wonderfully imperfect thing that is right in front of us. To me, that would be missing out.

So, after spending much of my life feeling like “no” is a bad word, I’m learning that it isn’t. No is simply the opposite of yes. Either is an appropriate response, depending on what you feel in your heart at that moment. This also leads me to think about the implications that another person’s “no” can have in our lives. So stay tuned for part two and we’ll discuss!

{image via Wayne White Art...love his work!}

Measuring Up

We are taught from a young age to count and measure things. From our weight and length at birth to the number of years until we take our last breath, so much about our lives is charted, tracked, measured and evaluated. 

In school we are taught to identify different quantities and compare them through word problems.

“Timmy has 16 apples and George has 14 apples. Then Sam comes along with 17 apples. Who has the most apples?” Pretty harmless, right? Still I can’t help but wonder if having this concept of measuring and comparing ingrained in us throughout our lives doesn’t lead to some kind of long-term negative effects.

Measuring and evaluating isn’t inherently bad, but the problem it can cause usually has to do with the things we believe measurements are indicative of. Anyone will tell you that based on simple numbers, Sam has the most apples of the three boys (see above).

Fast forward to today… “Allison has 800 friends on Facebook, but Sarah has 1000 followers on Twitter. Kristen is connected to 2400 people on LinkedIn. Which girl is most popular?” See the problem here?

Measuring something that isn’t so concrete, such as popularity, is not as easy as counting or getting out a yardstick. Still we somehow try to measure and evaluate these things with the only tools we have…numbers.

I was chatting with a dear friend and fellow blogger yesterday about how we sometimes feel discouraged going to bookstores because it reminds us of all the books we wish we had written. More and more bloggers are getting book publishing deals and now this feels like one more way to measure success. Or really I should say to measure failure.

Why is it that someone else’s success feels like failure to us? Why do we get hung up in this idea that there is only so much success to go around and someone else experiencing it is taking away a piece of our pie? I am convinced we feel this way because of the way we are taught to measure and evaluate everything from such a young age. 

I heard these wise words recently about love: “You can’t measure love. And if you are constantly trying to measure it, you don’t really understand love at all.”

I think this is true about a great many things that, like love, just can’t be measured. Do you ever struggle with feeling like you need to measure and evaluate yourself? I’ve gotten better about giving myself a break in this area, but I still have a long ways to go…and there I go measuring again.

Ankle boots: Yay or Nay

It seems like ankle boots are going to be one big trend for the upcoming season and I’m definitely in the market for a new pair of fall/winter shoes. What do you all think about this style?

Some fashions are great in theory, but don’t translate very well to the average Joe or Jane. I definitely want something that combines quality, style and comfort for a reasonable price (demanding, much?).

These boots look very vintage to me, like something my great-grandmother might have worn as a little girl. I’m curious if any of you lovelies have seen/tried them or maybe even brought a pair home. Please share!

Anti-Recipe: Killed Lettuce & Onions

A dish I can remember having sometimes while growing up was wilted lettuce and onions. I probably wasn’t much of a fan back then because I stuck mostly to salads consisting of lettuce, cheese and ranch dressing. My mom mentioned she made it last week and since I had all the ingredients handy from my weekly CSA shipment, I decided to give it a try too.

The term “killed” or “kill’t” lettuce comes from Appalachian culture as the lifespan of the lettuce is quite short once you pour the dressing on it. I recommend hearty lettuce such as red- or green-leaf, as opposed to iceberg. I used stick onions, but you don’t have to. Such an easy dish & tasty as can be!

The Recipe:

4 cups of torn lettuce pieces

1 cup of chopped onions

Dressing -

2 T bacon grease

2 T white vinegar

1 T sugar

Whisk the dressing ingredients together in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Then pour over the greens & onions, mix to coat and eat immediately.

We slicked our bowls clean and wished for more…probably going to make another mess of it this week. Let me know if you’re a fan of this dish!

P.S. A wonderful new blog I just discovered with a sweet story about this dish! Love the title, love the design, love the content!

Let’s Hear it for Volunteers!

Today is Volunteer Recognition Day and since my home state of Tennessee is known for its volunteer spirit, I wanted to honor all the folks out there, in Tennessee and elsewhere who volunteer their time to make a difference in the lives of others.

I’m only recently getting a better understanding of how valuable my time is to me, and while it might sometimes be easier to write a check (even a small one), I feel volunteering my time makes a greater impact. Do you volunteer anywhere in your community?

Southern Living Weddings, a review

The lovely Elspeth from Southern Living Magazine contacted me recently and was kind enough to send me a complimentary copy of Southern Living’s new style guidebook, Southern Living Weddings, to review. I spent most of a weekend car trip reading it and am ready to give my opinion. In a word, beautiful!

As always, Southern Living has its finger on the pulse of everything current, chic and stylish but still with distinct southern flair. My friend Chelsea got married last August and her bouquet looked very similar to this one featured in the book (David Austin Roses).

My favorite real wedding from the book was that of Caroline Estopinal, whose backyard reception was inspired by the one from Father of the Bride starring Steve Martin. Instead of renting china, Caroline and her mom scoured thrift stores and rummage sales collecting assorted patterns of antique china. This was an homage to her grandmother who loved dishes.

{photo credit}

Caroline’s cake was another favorite of mine, frosted in an irregular pattern like how she imagines it would have looked had her grandmother decorated it. Such a sweet, sweet tribute!

I’m not planning a wedding anytime soon, but this book will be a wonderful addition to anyone planning a wedding or just daydreaming about someday. I’ve already dog-eared several of its pages for inspiration and I’m sure I will refer to it again. The cover price is $11.99, but it’s worth every penny. Let me know if you pick up a copy and what you think of it! You won’t be disappointed, but act fast because it’s only on shelves until Friday the 22nd!

Burlap in the home

On a recent visit to a fabulous antique/everything store, I spotted this industrial cart repurposed as a sofa. I’m not sure it would be comfortable enough to function as your main couch, but what a great addition something like this would make. Talk about a conversation piece!

What interested me most was the burlap upholstery. Who’d have ever thought burlap would be at the peak of chic in the design world? I just don’t know how serviceable it really is for furniture. I guess there are different varieties, but what I’ve encountered is so scratchy and snags quite easily.

I made my bedroom curtains out of burlap, but they only have to hang there. If we were wallowing around on them all the time, I’m not sure they could withstand. My mom recovered the seats of her dining room chairs in a canvas fabric, giving a similar look as burlap but much softer and more practical.

I’m curious if you’ve had luck with burlap on furniture? Is there a certain type that works best? Do you wash it first or is that a no-no? I know some of you smart & crafty DIY folks can help me!

Mix & Match

Yesterday I mentioned some of the goodies I discovered while junking & antiquing (antique-ing?) this weekend. One of them was this wonderful vintage Jr. League cookbook, published by the Dekalb County, GA chapter! A birthday gift from the southern beau to add to my collection. After hitting the highlights of Clinton’s historic antique shopping district, we were still mostly empty-handed. Then I remembered my bit of good fortune the last time I visited this little town: English ironstone a’ la Goodwill. Read about that adventure here if you missed it.

I don’t know what it is about this particular Goodwill location, but I think something magical might be afoot. I had barely made my way to the dish display when I spotted a stack of ironstone with my name on it. Ok, it didn’t really have my name on it, but you get the drift.

I grabbed up these plates and had them wrapped and paid for before the southern beau even knew what was what. For the bargain price of $8, I got about 18 pieces, including salad plates which I always seem to need (we eat more salad than bread at my house…at least that’s what I pretend).

Here is the mark on the back in case your interested. I like how all ironstone is different, but still goes together. I’ll use these new pieces with my current ones, even though they are a completely different design.

Do you like to mix and match when it comes to your dishes or do you prefer to keep things in the same pattern?

The Last Halloween Post of 2010….I promise!

All fun things, Halloween included, must come to an end and since we have now entered the danger zone known as Thanksgivingandchristmas, I am giving up the ghost of my spooky themed posts and moving on to the season at hand. Before I can do that, I have to mention a little package I received in the mail last week, my loot from a Halloween swap I participated in. My swap partner was Miss Jessica from Duck Duck Cow and she definitely chose items that were right up my alley! (Sadly, I goofed on packing and some of the things I sent her got broken…boo indeed. I’m making it up to her though!)

My package included lots of creepy treats such as delicious candy, a cookie-making kit, orange Halloween socks (which came in so handy last night to combat the chills), sparkly bats and a huge jar of peanuts (how did she know to choose something so perfect?!?!).

My favorite item was probably the skull picture frame – totally keeping that out all year long! Swaps are really fun if you haven’t participated in one…even if you don’t have a blog. Everybody loves getting something in the mail (if the sender packed it well and it didn’t break…Sorry Jessica!).

Even Leon the Magnificent found something in the package to his liking… {seriously, I do NOT dress my dog in costumes, but he looks so cute}

Finally, I created a little poll so I could get some reader feedback about blog content for the rest of the year. This is my first year blogging through the holidays and I don’t want to disappoint! Please take a second and answer the poll (you can select more than 1). If there’s something I left out that you wish to read on SBS, please leave a comment! Thank you dears!

What would you like to see on Southern Belle Simple between now and the end of the year?
	Easy holiday recipes that won't break the bank
	Cute crafts that won't compromise my sanity
	Memories of holidays gone by
	Southern holiday traditions
	Holiday fashion tips
	DIY Gift ideas
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