When Your Family Hates Your Cooking

In the south, the way we cook and the foods we eat matter a lot to us. I think this is probably true of other cultures besides the south, but since this is my only point of reference, that's all I know. Not only is our food sort of central to our traditions and celebrations, but the act of cooking can also be such a meaningful expression of love.

Take for instance the last meal I made for my southern beau. I carefully washed and chopped vegetables. I heated some fancy olive oil in a skillet, making sure it wouldn't burn. I added garden fresh herbs. I whipped up half a dozen farmers' market organic cage-free eggs (you know the kind that come from chickens who live in penthouses and dine on silver trays).

In case you were wondering, the end result of this culinary process was supposed to be something like a frittata. I worked my kitchen magic, all the while thinking about how much I love my beau and how making him a special meal would in turn make him feel special too.

He ate in mostly silence and when I asked him if he wanted seconds, he replied "I didn't really like it, honey."

I was a little devastated.

Am I the only one who has felt this way? Why is it that we put so much meaning into preparing a meal and if our family loves it, we feel so great but if they hate it, we feel awful? I know it's nothing personal against me. And it's not like my beau hates every meal I cook. But there have been a few things over the years that have gone down in history as being the 'worst of the worst.'

Most recently, it was my frittata fiasco, but before that were some other dishes he didn't like, including a red cabbage dish that was utterly inedible.

I know that a few kitchen missteps don't make me a bad cook. Yet these things still leave me feeling sort of dejected. But why? I think this feeling comes from the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to create the perfect meal, bake the most beautiful cake, plan the Pinterest-worthy party, etc. It's a lot of pressure.

Before ever starting one of my own, I used to read blogs religiously. The first blog I stumbled upon was Apartment Therapy and its sister site, The Kitchn. Founded by an adorable married couple, the blog was all about creating a beautiful life in a small space. I ate it up. I bookmarked every post that applied to me, printed tons of recipes and tried to soak up as much inspiration as possible.

Then not too long ago, I read somewhere that the blogs' founders were divorcing. The husband gave an interview saying that the pressure of trying to create the perfect life had contributed to the downfall of their marriage. And this made me so sad for them, because from the outside it appeared they had created this perfect life for themselves...but I guess it was never enough.

When is this bubble going to burst? This "my life is only worth something if it looks good enough to showcase on social media and the Internet" bubble. It just can't sustain itself. I'm afraid it's already making people feel like crap and it will only get worse. Even the current trend of the "Pinterest Fail" is a bit worrisome to me. So you tried to reconstruct some Disney character out of fondant and it turned out looking like Al Capone. Did it taste okay? Did you try your best and put your heart and soul into it? So what if the end result wasn't exactly like the inspiration photo on Pinterest. Does that really mean your effort was a failure?

My goal with Southern Belle Simple is to create a little bit of lovely in the world. But even more than that, my goal is to tell my story. Not in a way that makes me look better, but just who I really am. And apparently I am a person who gets too overzealous with herbs which have the potential to render my frittatas inedible.

So what? It doesn't say anything about my character. And my beau still choked it down...which means it wasn't even really that bad.

I'm sure everyone who cooks has made something that someone didn't like. It doesn't mean they had to throw in their apron.

We've got to give ourselves a break. And I'd hate to think of all the wonderful things we'd miss if fear of failure kept us from trying.

Ugly Truths About Dating the Same Person for a Decade

I just read an article that depressed me on so many levels. It was called "18 Ugly Truths about Modern Dating that you have to deal with." I guess the title should have prepared me, but I was taken aback by just how harsh and ugly these so-called truths are.

Things like how modern dating is all about who cares less, pointless social media confessions, and futile attempts to be someone's top priority. Is this really what it's like in the dating world? I can't relate to that much because even when I wasn't in a relationship, I didn't date.

Oh, I had crushes. And I invited gentlemen to accompany me to various sorority events in college. But I never had a steady boyfriend, until the one I have now. Whom I've been 'dating' for a decade.

This prompted me to think about some other ugly truths that might arise from a situation like ours. So here they are in no particular order... Ugly Truths About Dating the Same Person for a Decade

Editor's Note: I wrote this post before I got engaged. In many ways, these truths are even uglier because it now means (if all goes as planned) I'll be embracing them for the rest of my life. But everything is meant to be in humor...there's plenty of good stuff too. 

1.) Freedom to Share 

Remember when you really liked someone and wanted them to like you back? You would have rather died than had them know anything about your bathroom habits. After a decade of dating, my southern beau feels quite free to describe to me all sorts of things I don't want to know about that may or may not happen while he's in the bathroom. I'll just leave it at that.

On the other hand, having someone who will let you bare your soul without judgement is pretty great. I can tell it like it is and he has to listen. But what's more than that, he usually has some sort of encouraging word. Which makes things instantly better.

2.) Being Asked "When Are You Getting Married?" 

Again, I started writing this post pre-engagement and at that time we had just celebrated our 10 year anniversary....which prompted so many people to ask me that dreaded question. Now that we're finally engaged, the ugly truth is having to hear people say "Finally!" and look oh so relieved on my behalf.

But there's also an upside. The way I see it, some marriages don't even make it to the 10-year mark. So if we've managed to date for a decade, this gives me a lot of hope about the next five decades or so.

3.) Assumptions 

After dating for a long time, people start to assume things. I guess it's only natural. But I can't tell you how many people have assumed my beau and I lived together. One even went so far to assert that we were "common law." I politely explained that no we are not and that this isn't something a good southern belle strives for or would ever brag about.

What I don't mind is when folks assume we're happy, which we are.

4.) Old vs. New  

Remember when you first met a new friend (or potential suitor) and the fun of getting to know each other while sharing all the stories about experiences you've had? After ten years, some of the stories aren't just as entertaining. When you've heard them time and time again, the interest is a bit more forced, the requisite laughter a little canned.

But, as the incredible complex creatures that we humans are, I find there's always something to surprise me about my beau. Whether its his sudden willingness to watch bad tween dramas on the CW or his embracing my idea to incorporate a hashtag into our wedding (#KatePlusPhil in the house!), it keeps me on my toes.

5.) Gloves On, Masks Off 

When someone's been in your life for ten years, it's easy to feel like they aren't going anywhere and take them for granted a little. And this leads to stripping off your sweet 'public' exterior and revealing your own flavor of private ugly that lies underneath.

This sounds worse than it is, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that after a long time of being with someone, you feel much freer to be yourself (which is also sort of like #1 Freedom to Share). And what's better than having freedom to be yourself? I can't think of much.

The bottom line is this: there's ugly truths about all aspects of life. None of us are perfect and we never will be (whew, that takes some pressure off, right?).

Social media has changed our lives in so many ways and according to the article I read, modern dating is worse for it. But then I think of people who meet the love of their life across the virtual space and it gives me hope again.

Nothing is purely ugly...it's in the middle space, with all the infinite shades of gray, that true beauty abounds. And all our situations look different.

Have you learned any ugly/beautiful truths about relationships or anything else in life? Sometimes it helps to know we aren't alone.

How to Know When You're Ready to Get Engaged

A few weeks ago, on an unseasonably humid day in late April, my southern beau proposed. It happened nearly 10 years to the day from our very first date....and our wedding (which we've already been excitedly planning) is set to take place almost one year from now.

The decision to get married feels like a biggie....and certainly not one I wanted to enter into lightly. But somehow I just knew it was the right thing.

I can't say that I recommend dating someone for 10 years prior to marriage, but I also can't say it's a bad thing either. It's just what happened for us.

I remember all the years before I met him when I feared I'd never find anybody...always hoping that someone would cross my path or look my way. I never really had a steady boyfriend and didn't date a whole lot either. Maybe I felt like I wasn't worthy or perhaps just put up a wall around myself to protect myself from getting hurt.

I'll never forget what my mom said to me after my first date with the southern beau: "Just be open to the opportunity. Don't close yourself off from any good thing that might come out of it."

And of course she was right.

Then I look back to the decade we've spent getting to know each other, the ups and downs, the ins and outs. There were times when I didn't think we'd make it. There was a short time we didn't. But we found the way back.

There's no checklist or Cosmo quiz that can tell you when it's the right time to get engaged (or make any big life decisions). You just have to trust your gut (which is really your heart).

Have you ever wanted to believe something really badly? And you worked double overtime to try and convince yourself it was so? This is such a tricky spot to find yourself in...always striving and trying to push a believe you hold in your brain down into your heart.

It was never supposed to work this way. Our truest beliefs are already alive in our hearts. Our heads just haven't caught up yet. And the beauty is that you don't have to convince your head of something your heart already knows.

I don't have to convince my heart that my beau loves me...because I already believe that he does. So the idea of spending my life with him sounds alright to me.

In many ways, it's exactly like how I don't have to convince my heart that God loves me...I just believe it because the truth of it lives in my heart.

I don't want to make a big deal of my engagement because I know there are folks out there who feel alone...maybe their sweetheart passed away. Or maybe they haven't found anybody to spend their life with. I was there once so I can relate.

But we can all be encouraged that whatever life decisions (large or small) that we might find ourselves faced with...we can do whatever our heart desires. That will always be the right choice.

And if it makes you feel better, people who get engaged after 10 years of dating are not an urban legend...we do exist!

The Difference Between Belles & Beaux, part 2

My southern beau is a talented knife maker. That being said, he often works with all sorts of what I consider to be dangerous tools and he isn't always as careful as I think he should be. What makes me feel this way? The vast number of accidents he has had in the past few years with machinery that goes awry.

A few times he has taken himself to the emergency room instead of calling me to do so because he was afraid of the fuss I would make.

His latest casualty? Several (seriously, several!) layers of skin on his middle fingertip after an encounter with a high powered grinder. It looked awful and once I knew he was okay, I began my typical spiel about how he needs to be more careful, blah, blah, blah.

His nonchalant response after promising to be more careful in the future?

"They can totally reattach fingers nowadays anyway."

Oh, I see.

Well, in that case, just chop 'em all off!

Just one more difference between belles and beaux.